What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What! how could you do that?

True - how I loved my mum!

Why do you think Democrat favorability ratings are so low?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

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“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What do you mean son?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Why do people have polyamorous relationships?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?

Do you know what she said mum?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?